Quotes of Appreciation That Are Funny
You know how the saying goes: Laughter is the best medicine. And in that location's and then much truth to that quondam aphorism. If y'all're having a bad day, or if someone yous love needs a little cheering upwardly, humor can help ease the tension and create a fiddling pocket of joy amid life's stresses.
This collection of funny quotes provides an array of means to trigger that smiling and turn around someone's lousy mood. (Even if that someone is you!) We've got funny quotes nigh love, marriage, aging, parenting, and so many more relatable topics. Catch your favorites for greeting cards, social media captions, or fifty-fifty just to impress and hang above your desk to serve as a trivial reminder that life's non that serious — and we're all much better off laughing so we don't cry!
These funny quotes come up from famous comedians similar Betty White, Joan Rivers, Lucille Ball, and Phyllis Diller. Yous'll also find laugh-out-loud quotes from your favorite timeless sitcoms like The Office, and funny-but-oh-and then-wise movies like Steel Magnolias. So savour our list and bookmark information technology to come up back to someday you lot need a laugh.
Looking for more inspiration? Cheque out these poignant quotes for women and inspirational quotes about life.
Funny Quotes About Life
ane. "Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That'southward i of my mottos."
—Stanley Hudson, The Role
ii. "At that place is no sunrise and then cute that it is worth waking me up to encounter information technology."
―Mindy Kaling
3. "I ever cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the nutrient."
—W.C. Fields
iv. "People say money is non the key to happiness, just I take always figured if you have enough coin, you lot can accept a key made."
—Joan Rivers
v. "Do not take life as well seriously. You will never become out of it alive."
—Elbert Hubbard
half dozen. "I more often than not avoid temptation unless I can't resist information technology."
―Mae West
seven. "Sometimes you lie in bed at nighttime and y'all don't accept a single thing to worry about. That ever worries me!"
—Charlie Brown
8. "The optimist proclaims that nosotros live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true."
—James Co-operative Cabell
ix. "I'm killing time while I expect for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."
―Neb Watterson
10. "You only live in one case, merely if you do it right, once is enough."
―Mae West
11. "If at get-go you don't succeed, try, try once more. Then quit. No use existence a damn fool nigh it."
―W.C. Fields
12. "I honey mankind... it's people I tin't stand!!"
― Charles M. Schulz
13. "I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability."
―Oscar Wilde
fourteen. "Would I rather be feared or loved? Piece of cake. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."
—Michael Scott, The Office
fifteen. "Two things are infinite: the universe and man stupidity. And I'm not certain almost the universe."
―Albert Einstein
16. "When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the center."
―Cathy Guisewite
17. "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that'south troublesome."
―Isaac Asimov
18. "When I was growing upwards I e'er wanted to be someone. At present I realize I should have been more specific."
—Lily Tomlin
19. "I accept a lot of growing upwards to do. I realized that the other day within my fort."
—Zach Galifianakis
20. "I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've e'er wanted."
—Kevin Malone, The Office
21. "Whenever I'thousand virtually to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot practice that?' And if they would, I do non do that thing."
—Dwight Schrute, The Office
22. "Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the twenty-four hour period afterwards tomorrow just equally well."
—Mark Twain
23. "I'one thousand not crazy — I've merely been in a very bad mood for 40 years."
—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes for Friends
24. "Well, you know what they say: If y'all don't have annihilation nice to say almost everyone, come up sit by me."
—Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias
25. "A woman is like a tea pocketbook: You can't tell how potent she is until you put her in hot water."
—Eleanor Roosevelt
26. "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you lot when the limo breaks down."
—Oprah Winfrey
27. "Whatever women exercise they must do twice as well equally men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."
—Charlotte Whitton
28. "I potable to make other people more interesting."
—Ernest Hemingway
29. "Wine is abiding proof that God loves the states and loves to run across us happy."
—Benjamin Franklin
30. "When you're in jail, a expert friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you maxim, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
―Groucho Marx
31. "I'thou not offended past blonde jokes because I know I'k not dumb. And I too know that I'm not blonde."
—Dolly Parton
32. "I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet."
—Carrie Bradshaw, Sex activity and the Urban center
33. "Crying is for obviously women. Pretty women become shopping."
—Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls
34. "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every iv Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Call back of your iii best friends. If they're OK, then it's y'all." —Rita Mae Brown
35. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. Simply they don't really know me."
—Garry Shandling
36. "People waste matter their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I but beverage whatever'south in the glass."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
37. "I don't care what they say about me. I but want to eat."
—Pam Beesly, The Role
38. "Don't waste material so much time thinking about how much y'all weigh. There is no more mind-numbing, deadening, idiotic, self-subversive diversion from the fun of living."
—Meryl Streep
39. "Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford."
—Cindy Crawford
forty. "I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think information technology'southward natural."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes Most Crumbling
41. "The secret of staying young is to alive honestly, consume slowly, and lie virtually your age."
—Lucille Ball
42. "Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
43. "You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police."
—Joan Rivers
44. "People say, 'How you stay looking so young?' I say, well, good lighting, skilful doctors, and good makeup."
—Dolly Parton
45. "Await, you didn't ask me for my opinion, but I'm former, and so I'm giving it anyway."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
46. "No matter how bad things go, call back these sage words: Y'all're sometime, you sag, go over it."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Aureate Girls
47. "You know you're getting quondam when you stoop to necktie your shoelaces and wonder what else yous could do while you're downwards there." —George Burns
48. "Historic period is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese."
—Luis Buñuel
49. "As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two."
—Sir Norman Wisdom
Funny Quotes About Union
50. "Before you ally a person, yous should beginning make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are."
—Will Ferrell
51. "Women ally men hoping they will modify. Men marry women hoping they volition not. So each is inevitably disappointed."
—Albert Einstein
52. "I dear you no matter what you practise, but exercise yous accept to do then much of information technology?"
—Jean Illsley Clarke
53. "Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
—Pauline Thomason
54. "Never get to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
―Phyllis Diller
55. "The undercover to a long marriage is to stay gone."
—Dolly Parton
56. "The all-time way to become most husbands to do something is to advise that mayhap they're too old to practice it."
—Shirley MacLaine
57. "As a human in a human relationship, you accept a simple selection. You can either exist right, or you tin be happy."
—Ralphie May
58. "Behind every great human being is a woman rolling her eyes."
—Jim Carrey
Short Funny Quotes
59. "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked nigh."
—Oscar Wilde
lx. "The older you get, the improve you get. Unless yous're a banana."
—Betty White
61. "If you can't be kind, at least be vague."
—Judith Martin
62. "Anybody who tells you money tin can't buy happiness never had any."
—Samuel L. Jackson
63. "Reality continues to ruin my life."
―Bill Watterson
64. "Don't be then humble — you lot are not that neat."
―Golda Meir
65. "Never miss a practiced adventure to shut up."
―Will Rogers
66. "I've had great success being a total idiot. "
―Jerry Lewis
67. "Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system."
―Ellen DeGeneres
68. "Become to sky for the climate, hell for the company."
—Mark Twain
69. "Instant gratification takes too long."
—Carrie Fisher
70. "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes y'all nothing. It was hither first."
—Mark Twain
71. "My tastes are simple: I am hands satisfied with the best."
―Winston S. Churchill
72. "All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening."
—Alexander Woollcott
73. "Whoever established the loftier road and how high information technology should be should be fired."
—Sandra Bullock
Clever Quotes and Sayings
74. "Exist wise, because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then simply acquit like they would."
—Neil Gaiman
75. "Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and yous're lost and you lot see a path and so past all means yous should follow that."
—Ellen DeGeneres
76. "People who recall they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who exercise."
—Isaac Asimov
77. "A pessimist is a human who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for information technology."
―George Bernard Shaw
78. "Money can't purchase yous happiness, but it tin can buy you a yacht big enough to pull upward right alongside it."
—David Lee Roth
79. "The lord gave usa two ends: 1 to sit on and the other to recall with. Success depends on which one we use the most."
—Ann Landers
Funny Quotes About Parenting
fourscore. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a squeamish, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
—Erma Bombeck
81. "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't beget. So I want to move in with them."
—Phyllis Diller
82. "Cleaning your firm while your kids are however growing is like shoveling the walk earlier information technology stops snowing."
—Phyllis Diller
83. "Information technology is not piece of cake existence a female parent. If information technology were easy, fathers would practice it."
—Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls
84. "Adults are always request children what they desire to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas."
—Paula Poundstone
85. "If yous are non yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them."
—Reese Witherspoon
86. "At that place is no such matter as fun for the whole family." —Jerry Seinfeld
87. "Everybody wants to save the earth. No i wants to assistance mom practise the dishes."
—P.J. O'Rourke
Funny Quotes About Work
88. "Everything I take I owe to this job... this stupid, wonderful, boring, astonishing job."
—Jim Halpert, The Part
89. "An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come up true."
—Michael Scott, The Office
90. "So this is my life — until I win the lottery."
—Jim Halpert, The Office
91. "The all-time mode to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
—Oscar Wilde
92. "Housework can't kill you, but why accept the risk?"
—Phyllis Diller
93. "I hate housework. You lot make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months after y'all accept to start all over over again."
—Joan Rivers
94. "I like piece of work. Information technology fascinates me. I tin sit and look at information technology for hours."
―Jerome K. Jerome
95. "I always go far tardily at the office, but I brand upwardly for information technology by leaving early."
―Charles Lamb
96. "Housekeeping is like existence caught in a revolving door."
—Marcelene Cox
97. "The merely thing that ever sabbatum its way to success was a hen."
—Sarah Brown
98. "You can't have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic."
—Zig Ziglar
99. "All you demand in this life is ignorance and confidence — then success is sure."
—Mark Twain
100. "Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there."
—Will Rogers
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